I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
