my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
