I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
did i just pee glitter
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
