I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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