I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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