I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
