A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
