I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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