Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
