oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
