you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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