dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
