you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
