Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
