I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
