i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
