Where did you get a picture of my penis
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
