finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
