I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
