so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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