I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
