I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
where am i from again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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