i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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