Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
