i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
