Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I looked at my own cervix.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
