8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
