what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize