I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
