i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
