so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
