I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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