Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize