Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
