He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
