sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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