On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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