I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
