she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
