Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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