Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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