'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
