the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize