My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No subtext here. People are naked.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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