he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
