nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
