We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
