I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize