no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
