Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
