it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
