More tranny stories later!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize