I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
