I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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