we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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