i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
