He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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