My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize