She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
