i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so let's talk penis.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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