I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
