so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
