so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize