I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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