wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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