Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
